HW: 189 (two and a half years ago, and right now)
LW: 146 (two years ago)
Hi. I'm Amanda and I hope I can find support here.
In March of 2007 I joined Weight Watchers at 189 pounds and after six months I lost 43 pounds, putting me at my lowest weight of 146. I maintained my weight in the 140s until about a year ago when things started getting out of control. I stopped watching what I was eating because I was so cocky -- after all, I had lost all that weight in such a short amount of time and I thought it didn't matter if I kept eating. But of course, it did.
I've gained about 30 pounds in the past year because of compulsive binging. I don't even know why I do it. I just periodically get up, walk to the kitchen, eat five or six different things, and sit back down without even thinking about it. It's horrifying because I just can't stop no matter how hard I try -- I think the longest I've gone without binging since I've realize my problem is about a day.
And now I weigh 189, my highest weight ever, and I feel even more disgusting than I did in March of 2007 because I used to be 146. What kills me is that it was so easy to lose the weight before, but now I can't even go two hours without stuffing my face.
I just feel disgusting, and gross, and I have no idea what to do. I feel like I spend every night crying myself to sleep because even my pajamas are too small for me now.